this week has been more of an emotional/mental battle than a physical one.
plus, what? did you want more prego updates already?!

[grape. it’s a grape these days.
other than that- baby is the same.]

the hard thing these days is not working.
now that i have spent so much time and energy into getting my home put together, and trying to get on all of the new responsibilities that are mine simply because they accompany unemployment, i have been a little down.
more like downright depressed.

i worked in a job that i loved, with people i love,
and i had a great sense of importance and gumption.

i came home to a husband that worked long hard hours too and then we would make dinner,
spent all the QT you can in 3 spare hours, and go to bed.
to dream of life with more time.

well,
fish fish got your wish.
i have all the time in the world to sit and think about all the things i would do if i only had more gumption and energy to do them.

i had a mini breakdown this last week around wednesday night.
i know there are many of you that stay home,
you have kids, and you are fabulous at what you do.
but i feel that being home, without the kids yet-
just feels so lazy.

I have reorganized everything i can,
and i try to make dinner and keep everything clean so i look like i contribute,
but really i just end up eating dried fruit and mac n cheese and
watching endless hours of extreme home makeover or project runway
which only makes it worse.

after lamenting to cc,
i woke up thursday morning to a huge vase of stargazer lilies
and a note that made me cry for an hour.

then one of the wives’ club (of the guys that work with cc)
called me to come to their play-date.
then my aunt/cousin invited me to hang out the following day in santa barbara.

i got up and got ready,
went to the store,
played with kids,
made dinner,
and

was reminded of how much my heavenly father loves me.

thanks, cc, i needed that.

~m