the other night, i was doing the gettin ready rag.
the one that i dread these days now that i am in the awkward post-baby body phase.
in my head i am still a normal-sized human with all kinds of current clothes and a sense for how to make them work that makes me feel stylish and cute…

then i put something on and realize it’s just in my head…

i was on my fifth frustrating outfit change of the evening, the pile of clothing articles piling up on the bed, the floor covered in shoes. nothing was feeling cute. even the spanks weren’t going to save me tonight.

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i threw on a dress that i wore when pregnant. a cute one that i loved wearing with a bump, but now just makes me feel pregnant. the girls were barely tucked in there and i was tugging and pulling and manuvering for a few minutes…

then of course just as i was about to rip off that dress and try a new outfit, my little 2 year old {who had been running in an out to show me everything} ran back in to see me in the dress and said,
“whoah, mom, are you a princess?”

i dropped to my knees, hugged him. told him thank you and he even planted a kiss right on my mouth.

he ran out like a happy 2 year old, completely unaware of what that did for me.

i thought of earlier that day when we were making a PB&J together. he HAD to do everything himself and i grunted in exasperation and he declared, “mom, i’m driving you crazy.” all nonchalantly like it was something i say a lot.

i thought of how often i sit on the couch in a tired stupor and tell him to keep quiet, that’s too loud, you’ll wake the baby… and he’ll say, “ok mom… oh, you need your phone now mom?”
as if that little device is more important…

the only other time i can recall being compared to a princess was on my wedding day…

the little girls came running, and seeing my smily happy disposition and cute dress, i’m sure they believed i really was a princess that day. nothing could bring me down because i truly felt like a princess.

are you a princess, mom?

i sure don’t act like it all the time. the happy, positive, singing, playful, gets-ready-for-the-day-out-of-respect-for-myself, mom that i could be….

i’m tired, restless, and impatient. i try to soak in the moments and be present but so quickly get frustrated with his independence, or a screaming baby in the background that i lose my temper.

he thinks i’m a princess, i ought to do a lot better at trying to be one.

i left the dress on, put my smile on, and left for the church with a full heart.
my child thinks the world of me.
i should too.