lets just say it: moms are intense. {me = high on that list}
but when i signed up for this job i didn’t realize all of the pressure that comes with it from the mom-dom. i knew i would at some point feel stresses, and hit the wall and not know what to do, but i didn’t really pre-think about the anxiety that that comes from just having an opinion.
the truth is: i believe now, more than ever, that we parents get to decide how we roll in our own homes.
the only advice i give freely to soon-to-be moms now is: “don’t take free advice!”
when you need help or have questions, you’ll ask for it. you know how you plan to roll in your house, it probably isn’t 100% how i will, but it doesn’t make it any less effective for you! i would hope we all do it differently. we were, after all, raised differently.
do you swaddle? do you breastfeed? are you on-demand? do you co-sleep? do you keep your kid in a wrap all day? do you believe in pacifiers? are you one of those that can BF in public? oh are you one of those hyper-schedulers? {all questions i have been asked regularly. probably so they can go back to their husband and say, “i totally don’t agree with that.”}
or when i asked, “do you feel like you are clipping nails every day?” and i get, “oh, you don’t clip nails, my doctor told me you are supposed to bite them…etc.” news to me, and the clippers are working just fine. {i did try it though, and it didn’t work as good for me. go fig.}
i am not saying i don’t enjoy having these conversations, because i do. i like to know what moms do so i can steal good ideas that ring true and i use them.
a friend due in a few weeks was telling me that she is nervous about going to church with a new baby and feeling all the judging mom eyes and she is going to feel like she isn’t doing it right…etc.
shame on us, moms!
to some extent, its true though. we all sit around watching other moms do what they do, determined that our way is the better way. it probably is. cause it’s your way! so move on… cause i hate that i always have a snappy remark ready in my arsenal to attack any onlooker who dares make a comment on how i roll…. and you know you do too.
yesterday, B and i waddled in to the pool. the first few times i went, i was pretty nervous. i was thinking about other people sitting at the pool and what they might think of a young mom rolling in a huge stroller with a newborn to sit and be exposed to the “heat” and all those chemicals – oh no – chemicals!!
this time, {though no one was there} i was thinking about how crazy it is that somehow everyone still makes it to adulthood, despite all of the “wrong” things moms do.
i took a breath and resolved to do my best to erase the anxiety of the momdom.
to try and really just do what i do, and what feels right to me.
…we’ll see how that goes…
The best advice I ever got was to do what's best for you and your baby. PERIOD. Way to go getting a good dose of Vitamin D for you and B!
BITE your babies nails? is this Africa? Jk<br /><br />my favorite one i got when i was feeding Bastien formula: "youre not breastfeeding? oh right you gave up on that. "
Gross! I don't know anyone who bites their kids nails. It is WAY OK to judge that person as I'm thinkin' she bites her own nails and that her since her nails are now too nubby so she's taken to torturing her kids and their nails and when questioned what she was doing, she made up that it is a good thing fr her kids' nails. <br /><br />Sorry if that person is reading and reads
i am SO with you! there's this little thing called personal revelation. i believe in it. 🙂 every mom gets to decide what's right for them & their babes. great post. you're adorable.
lol. I file my boy's nails. My husband will bite them if they get too long though.
Confession: I bit one of Hyrum's nails once. It was long (how do they get long so fast!?), we were out of the house, he kept jabbing me with it as I was feeding him. Two options: scars on boobs or bite the nail. Confession over…phew!
thank you for posting this! it's been over a year and i still feel the type of anxiety that other moms are watching me and being all "judgey-judge." The anxiety comes and goes. But i'd like to join you in your resolve to erase the "anxiety of the momdom" and do what is right for my little family. My hubby is really good and bringing me back to earth and helping me
Well said. I, unlike your pregnant friend, was NOT prepared for the two-cents and the stares and the unwelcome comments from strangers and non-parents alike that come with toting around a little one. Of course, I am CERTAIN I have been guilty of dishing similar unwanted comments to others, and I'm sure I'll unintentionally still fall victim to it now and again, even knowing first-hand
Such an interesting post. I've never really thought about this before – I haven't felt a whole lot of judgement on this front but I think a lot of that has to do with that I think I'm a really good mom. I have complete faith and confidence that I'm doing what's right for me and my kid(s). It's easy to say "just don't think about it" but I really haven't
I re-read my comment and I sound really conceited. I don't mean to sound conceited, just confident that I feel like I'm doing a good job and so should you.