mr clifford and i were having ourselves a mini emotional moment last night.
today, this little guy is 1.5,
which isn’t really a birthday,
and yet i can’t help but think about how strange it is….
that is has been 1.5.
some days he spends all day reminding me how old he is,
throwing away his own trash and signing please and thank you,
and giving kisses like a smooth little lady killer
but somedays, i.e. last night,
he was ripped from his bed one too many times,
and was simply upset.
{he was sleeping at my aunt’s and we had to transfer him home after a fun night with friends…}
we put him down, and after about 20 minutes of sleep,
he woke up ticked.
we usually let him cry and he’ll go back,
but he wasn’t having it. and we were both a little soft to let him.
so we cuddled and held him.
he refused more milk, refused a diaper change 
{which he normally can’t wait to have if needed.}
he clung onto me with his tiny arms and cried and cried.
i asked him he if wanted me to sing, and his little body started to settle.
so i sang, and within a minute, he was curling into my shoulder.
i panicked. 
and then cried like a baby myself.
one day this little man won’t want me to hold him!
he will get too big to cuddle and he will be too independent to need it.
so this morning, when he came to grab my hand and take me to show me something,
or to say, “bocks” or “dat” and sign “more” 
{which means, give me that/open that/lets be doing that now…}  
i give in.
last night after he had more milk and was finally ready,
i laid him back in bed where he smiled and blew me kisses,
said “nigh nigh” and then cuddled with his monkey and blanket.
before i went to go, he grabbed my hand, and wouldn’t let me go.
he wasn’t upset, just trying to tell me something…
“mama?”
yes bossy?
“nigh nigh”
thank you, bossy.
“thank you.”
don’t get big, ok.
“nigh nigh”
i hope we have an understanding.
happy unbirthday, boss.