i have a miniature soap box for you that you may or may not agree with, and i don’t so much care.
image src: Tim Pannell/Corbis
quick recap: i have [only] two children, though they are a lot to handle. at least for me they are, and i live in around 900 square feet. my little one naps in a pack n play in my bathroom twice a day, and the kids wake me up every morning with screams at each other in their small space with little breathing room. this mom wakes up with a migraine of death, nearly every day.
i’m not really complaining {this exact minute i mean}, but yes, i have my hands full. and all day every day, i see posts from women who say things like, “here is my son, making a huge mess…again.” and “getting up the courage to brave IKEA with 6 kids…”
when my husband is home on the weekends and spends even two seconds trying to sigh that he’s already exhausted after 2 hours of playing with our kids i want to scream, “well just try doing it ALL. DAY. LONG. every day!!” {of course i don’t lay on that mom-like guilt too often cause that just wouldn’t be fair…}
my point? we moms are ISO validation at all times, whether we mean to be or not. we like it when we feel like we have it all together, and those moments that we are are often followed up with a “check out my clean kitchen!” post or a “look i was crafty for once this year!” because those things seem like extra credit, only there is no one anywhere {save our fellow moms on social media} to hand out those free mom points we hate to admit that we crave.
so why oh why, dear moms {who truly do have your hands full}, are you offended when someone acknowledges that you do?!!
what else is a stranger to say?
read between the lines here: i am a stranger, and i see a mom {me} with two kids screaming and singing at the top of their lungs and making a huge scene in the grocery store. i’m a mom {stranger to you}, but i get it. i know what it’s like to have kids all over and to sweat it out in public when they are just over the top out of control. if i don’t have kids, maybe i’ve been an aunt, and i have siblings with kids… or maybe i wish i had them and my heart hurts due to years of infertility. either way, i as a female capable of creating humans, respect that woman for her effort. so if the only thing i can think of to say is “looks like you have your hands full.” i’d hope you smile, and realize that it’s all i can do without being creepy.
what i really want to do when i see a mom in distress is to wrap my arms around her and tell her it gets better. that i’ve been there, and i completely know a bad/meltdown/cranky day from a pleasant i-love-my-job-as-a-mom day. to hold one of her kids for her to make her burden a little lighter, because i’ve said prayers hoping for the same when i’ve been there myself. if it weren’t for creeps in the world, i would do it and she would probably let me. but for now, i will just smile and say, “you’re doing a great job mama. rock on.” and hope that she can feel the sincerity in my heart and feel like a rock star today, even if her kids aren’t quite on board.
let it go, let it go, moms. 9 times out of 10, that thing that a stranger said was meant to pat you on the back.
let me translate a few of these for you:
“wow, you are having ANOTHER baby? after triplets, most moms would be done!” {i don’t have the strength that you do, you are one impressive mama!}
“do you understand how birth control works? did you mean to have all those kids?” {that chick is a freaking viking. i know i couldn’t do what she does every day. see also: infertility = i wish i could have kids…}
“you look like you have your hands full!” {i recognize this scene and acknowledge that you have a tough job not all will take on.}
ya know how people can come out of their shells to tell an officer of the military, “thank you for your service!” ? why are we not telling moms that every day? ya know, so there isn’t any confusion or way to misinterpret it?
i’m going to try it and see how it goes. find mom-strangers to thank. it’s a tough job, but they made a choice to take on one of the most important jobs there is. it is the moms who raise those boys to be great men, and those moms who help instill confidence in kids to grow up to be great people. it starts at home, and it’s a hellovajob. just a little more credit, is all they need.
now accept the credit, however small, and quit finding reasons to be offended!
