one of my best friends from college, a dear friend of mine, just posted last week that she lost her baby girl. it was her first baby, just 5 months old. my friend is a state away and we haven’t kept in touch as much as we wish we could, but it shook me. i was heartbroken for her.

it’s every mother’s nightmare to lose a child. i have talked to many moms who admitted to all of the horrible scenarios we play out multiple times daily that end in the worst case. the mere idea of one day not having these kiddos in my care has made me a different person. makes me want to be better, to savor them, to drink them in and enjoy their little spirits.
every day they are mine.

it’s caused me to think about the kind of parent that i am: usually impatient, often frustrated, sometimes present, but at very least here for them.

the last few nights i have woken up in the night to soft cries and coughs. you can bet i held my baby with tears in my eyes until she calmed. tears of worry, tears of hurt, tears of pain. tears of uncontrollable love for another human.

mothers often feel the anxiety of wishing you could take away someone else’s hurt. a pain i never knew until i watched my kids bleed.  i was an emotional basket-case, alone, in the dimly lit night.  
a mother praying for my little to stop coughing so fiercely.

the more i think about it, the more inspired i am to be better.
these littles, though frustrating, messy, busy, tiring, and independent, give me a deep look at myself every day.

i am told often that my son reflects his dad in so many ways. and that’s true. he was a calm baby, slept well, really loves trucks and cars, and his brain works like an engineer. he wants to build, to create, to learn. he’s articulate, and observant, and detail-oriented. he will be great at whatever he does. i would say he’s exactly like dad, but his dad is an introvert.

just as we sat to eat lunch together at the park, we saw a little boy face plant, and hard. i gasped, and boss jumped up, “i’m going to see if my friend is ok, mommy!” and off he went.
my heart nearly burst into a pool of mother butter. he loves people, craves interaction, loves to sing, to dance, and hang out with mom just as much as dad… he can be dramatic, has an insane imagination… turns out he is a lot more like me than i thought!
i watched the trailer for this hilarious and heartfelt new vince vaughn movie “Delivery Man” the other day, while i was already feeling like a sappy emotional parent. for some reason, the trailer struck a cord. and i just smiled the whole time… {bonus: that funny guy from parks and rec is in it…}

[i’ll give you a sec to watch it. it’s great…]

he suddenly feels that “anxiety” to help and to be there for every one of his “new” kids. i loved it. and what a funny idea for a movie! i loved watching how he changed once his life turned to his kids. he had a purpose. they became everything.

they are everything. and they are raising us just as much as we raise them.

i spend at least some part of every day in stress, wishing the day would end, and i spend every night watching videos and looking at the 400 pictures i took that day, just wishing it was already tomorrow to do it all over again. what a great movie to show what parenthood is really like. we spend our days “saving” them from a lot, trying to get them to grow and learn and see past themselves, and it’s exhausting. but at the end of the day, we can’t wait to do it again.  
maybe not times 533,
but always again.

for however long i get to have them,
my kids have already changed me. 

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interested in purchasing the movie?
to order the movie now click here
’cause it comes out on bluray/dvd/digital HD march 25!
to check out the movie on facebook, click here
also related…
BlogHer is giving away $100 VISA card to one of my readers!
all you need to do?
just tell me below in a comment:
“how your kids have changed you for the better?”
 {and follow the directions for more entries}
Sweepstakes Rules: No duplicate comments. You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods: Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post Tweet (public message) about this promotion; including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: “#SweepstakesEntry”; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post Blog about this promotion, including a disclosure that you are receiving a sweepstakes entry in exchange for writing the blog post, and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry. This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winner will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected. The Official Rules are available here. This sweepstakes runs from 3/20/14 – 4/19/14. Be sure to visit the Delivery Man page on where you can read other bloggers’ reviews and find more chances to win!