the other night,
whilst making our bimonthly trip to costco,
we stopped by the formula.

knowing that we were going to be out completely by morning,
i looked at the price and noticed, to my delight, how much more comes in the container
at almost the same price. a steal, i thought.

cc wasn’t as impressed. in fact, i am sure i brought him shopping
when in a horrible financial mood,
because he picked it up and said, “what?!  that is so expensive!”

i wasn’t prepared to feel the heat and tears rising, but they did.
i was defensive and immediately realized that i was much moodier about this new change than i had ever anticipated.

i snapped at him and told him not to make me feel any more guilty than i already do,
he recognized his mistake and fixed it fast, and i regretting the snapping.
but it got me thinking…

apparently i really miss breastfeeding.
and apparently there is a guilt associated with stopping.

my brother asked me about it and i told him that really after 6 months, a baby has all he needs nutritionally, but that there is an unwritten 1-year mark in the breastfeeding community because of health, bonding, financial…etc. that i really wanted to meet.

i didn’t.

i kept pushing back my goal like i was running a marathon.
just another month, just one more month…

cc wrapped his arms around me and thanked me for
lasting the 10 months that i did.

cause the last few months were much harder than the first 2 weeks that nearly killed me.

but when we got home for christmas,
all of the stress,
and lack of sleep,
and no normal intake of water/food….
it was too much.

B was eating more than his dad
and i figured he was compensating.

he was.

he was definitely not getting enough at that point.
and neither was i.

so we were done all in one day.

and life moves on…