i woke up at 3:30am with a gaping hole in my stomach.
i have never felt so hungry and literally empty.
peed, drank about 30 ounces of water, and then had a string cheese.
i felt a little better.
then, i saw this on the fridge:
{i made this in my natural childbirth class to help me stay focused and to inspire me.
i hope to bring it to the hospital when i deliver… some of the things were for cc…}
i hope to bring it to the hospital when i deliver… some of the things were for cc…}
after trying to sleep through a stuffy nose, i lost it.
i prayed until i felt peace, but couldn’t shut my mind off.
i was up for 2 hours.
{cc slept through my noise as he is still – as we speak – in a
drug-induced coma that will hopefully leave him feeling better than yesterday.
the only good news about sick husbands is they stay home from work.
glad he is getting this done now so he can hold his own son!}
when i woke up this morning,
i found this typed on my phone as a note:
{because yes, i have to write it out to get it out.}
i can hardly place my thoughts.
i think maybe i am so sad at just the thought of
missing out on all of the positives of a natural birth,
at this point, even just a vaginal birth…
missing out on all of the positives of a natural birth,
at this point, even just a vaginal birth…
maybe it’s because i spent so much time preparing,
or that i am afraid if a c- section happens now,
my chances of getting a V-BAC later are low…
i know i will just be happy to have him here and hold him in my arms finally.
i know i should be grateful that he is healthy and that there are no complications otherwise…
i feel that i have such a passionate belief in this process
that it has become a part of my identity…
i will defend it as my right, my duty, my privilege even,
that it has become a part of my identity…
i will defend it as my right, my duty, my privilege even,
to go through this naturally.
to have the positive and peaceful experience that i know birth can be-
even without going through it yet…
i am even hoping to have my second at home.
i am praying to have a still heart- so that i can accept what comes and be happy- but i can’t help but hear “isn’t it ironic” playing in my mind every time i wake. {yes, that alanis song, if you can believe it…} me, the one that has read every day for 7 months, taken every class possible, and practically signed up for doula certification… {still might actually..} i have done all of the yoga, breathing, kaegels, and relaxing… spread the positive possibilities of childbirth every chance afforded like it’s a religion… and naturally, the one situation i can’t control… the one “If” i couldn’t evade unless perhaps i had done more yoga or been to the chiropractor for months to help avoid it… how was i to know i would fall in the three percent?
Be still my soul
The Lord is on thy side
With patience bear
Thy cross of grief or pain
The Lord is on thy side
With patience bear
Thy cross of grief or pain
Lean to thy God
To order and provide
In every way
He faithful will remain
Boston, I pray you get here safely, however that is.
And I pray I will be at peace either way.
thanks for all of the positive words, advice and prayers.
i write the personal things because i want to remember them,
but it helps to know i have the support and love.
what we’ve tried:
i have been drinking fruit juice to get him moving,
doing forward inversions,
i have put cold packs on top and a heating pad below…
friday i even stood above the fire at the beach to heat up my belly
to try and coax him down…
i am waiting to hear back from a chiropractor i found out here
that does the Webster technique and offers acupuncture…
i hope to get in before thursday’s version…
and i plan to do some more yoga this week to give B some room…
hopefully, we will have good news by the end of the week.
thanks again for all the love.
That is my prayer for you as well. And as you know, Heavenly Father honors the prayers of mothers.
Oh, Meg! You are definately in my prayers! Seriously, if you need anything, let me know! I'll keep my fingers crossed that good things will happen this week!
Meg, I know how you feel. I wasn't going to go as natural as you but I was so gung-ho on vaginal birth with no drugs. Needless to say, it didn't work out and I ended up with a c-section instead. With my second, I prayed to see if a vbac was right cuz I so wanted to do one but didn't feel right. Looking back though, I wouldn't trade it. I would not have made it through my first
"or that i am afraid if a c- section happens now, <br />my chances of getting a V-BAC later are low…"<br />This is wrong! Do everything you can this time (like you no doubt are…) and then do everything you can next time! Everything happens for a reason! ((HUGS)) <3
Ah megs, I'm so sorry. We are praying so hard for you! Just so you know, I've had a number of people in my family baby turn right before they delivered! Miracles happen and faith WORKS! (It's awesome to know that right?!) <br />However, I ask myself A LOT: Does there really have to opposition in all things? <br />(I find that I'm saying sarcastic 'REALLY'S!?!' on a
Virtual Hug = (((Meg)))<br /><br />I am so impressed with you.<br />My prayers and faith are for you this week.<br /><br /><3
Have faith, do all the things you feel inspired to do, but also realize that sometimes there's a reason a baby doesn't turn or stay turned, like cord issues, that you couldn't know about and that make turning dangerous. And sometimes things just click and everything falls into place. All 8 of my deliveries were very different, but none were in alignment with the birthplan I had in my
Meg, we love you so much and are so greatful that you are the mother of our grandchild! All that you have done to prepare for Boston's birth is a reflection of the kind of mother you will be when he is here! We all prayed and fasted for you yesterday, and know that all will go well and he will arrive safely and you will have peace!
Oh Meg, I had no idea this was going on. I agree with everything that has been shared from these wonderful women… <br />Here are a few thoughts from someone who loves you and has very recently experienced a different childbirth than was expected.<br /><br />With Jayne and Rachel, I wanted as much medication as needed and was totally open to having a c-section without a second thought. Luckily