i have had so many, especially recently, tell me that i’m in the hardest phase of them all.
2 kids. one a baby, one a toddler.
it’s definitely tough. i need to give her attention, give him attention, split their attention with the housework, work work, mom time wasting time online…
he is incredibly independent. she is completely dependent.
he will not let me help with anything he needs.
he will not help me with anything i need.
she can’t do anything without me.
ok ok… he sometimes helps with things…. like when he starts emptying the dishwasher without me… walking glass and knives all over… but hey, he’s helping. {and to be fair, that pushes me to quickly get some things done!}
it means all day i chase after the toddler to keep him from grabbing knives, throwing ipads, waking the baby, jumping off things, breaking glass, and eating unidentified objects…. and all the while usually with a baby on my hip talking in my ear and pulling out what’s left of my hair.
if you don’t believe me, call me sometime. i have to stop every 30 seconds to chase after a kid or scream “don’t touch that!” “that’s daddy’s!” “please don’t go wake up your sister or you will have to sit in time out… AGAIN!“
just when you think you have everything baby proofed, a little terrorist shows up and makes it cray-zay. if he’s not getting into trouble, he is literally bouncing off walls, jumping and spinning on the couch…
what’s funny is, i remember saying the words, “oh my gosh, i’m going to have 2 KIDS!” what am i thinking, 2? it’s a crazy idea. even yesterday, whilst leaving sprouts and unloading my big kid and the car seat from a double stroller and a few bags of groceries, a man walked by slowly…watching… like i was another species.
he said, “whoa, 2 at once huh!
you have your work cut out for you there…” yes. yes i do. and when someone says, “you have your hands full!” like i heard twice the day before, i don’t ever get offended. if anything, they are acknowledging that my job as a mom is hard.
and i like validation.
but here’s the secret: babies aren’t hard. {ok, unless you have a colicky one, or one with lots of other things going on. i don’t mean to be insensitive here…} but babies sleep. a lot. we are comin on 6 months here, and my little girl takes 4 naps for a few hours each… so when she’s feeling great {not this week}, she’s happy and hangs out and goes with the flow as babies do.
i remember i said to my aunt that i’m going to have to wait till cc gets home, cause
“there is NO WAY i am going to the store alone with 2 kids.
NO WAY!”
and ya know what? i did. and i lived. and you know what’s crazier? i always see a mom there with at least 3, and once i saw one with 5. [jaw on the floor]
in fact, it was quite pleasant. once you work out where to put everyone, it’s no big deal. mostly cause she’s just along for the ride…
but yes, for the first few months, almost anything with 2 sounds like a kiss of death, no way no how, don’t go near that or you will surely get hives immediately.
so my motto is: go for it. why not? it’s not going to kill me. and almost anything that i thought would make 2 hard, is not. but that nearly 3 year old 5 year old boy i have at my house, is all over the place. and when he isn’t talking or singing loudly to himself with toys, he is demanding something, anything, and often just attention from me. attention that is harder to give, but not at all because of the sweet and content baby that is put-down-able, but more because toddlers are just hard, and need even more attention.
love them, squeeze them when they let you. try to trick them into eating when and what you hope they will, but in the end, they are [cute] little independent monsters.
the absolute hardest part about toddlers, as it turns out, are not toddlers at all. it’s me. it’s my sanity, my cool. something that i lose often and regret when i do. 2 kids are not hard, and toddlers are growing minds learning how to react by how i do, so often the hardest part is sucking in, putting on a smile, and letting the 2 year old scream without screaming right back. {or fighting the urges to put him in a straight jacket to change a diaper.} it’s the worst part of the job, but he has to see me in good light. i refuse to let him remember me as an angry mom who pushes him away because i can’t keep my wits. cause it’s the wit they eat at.
and i have lots of wit to begin with…
he will be 3 in a month, and that is still young. very young cognitively. as my mother would say to almost every one of his childish outbursts: “this is age-appropriate behavior.” and she’s right. i can’t expect him to grow up to meet me, and i certainly can’t lose my wit to attempt to communicate with him like he often does.
if you do, or have, or will at some point have a toddler,
don’t fear it, but do be sure that:
1) daily outings are a must. get out. especially if you live in less than 1000 sq feet and you lack a backyard. {i fail at this 70% of the time. we often literally have him run laps across the room until he wears out some nights…}
2) he gets to make lots of decisions on his own. the ones he can, i let him and move on. the rest are just a sing-a-long fake happy dance until it becomes his decision. and some are just lies. like “hurry, you have to get our of the tub or your fingers will turn to raisins!” works every time.
3) he eats. i have learned that kids don’t starve. if he doesn’t eat what we have, tough. he will eventually eat, and seems to be surviving great. we have added in some pediasure [cough] chocolate milk to help out there… and those cliff z bars really help out too…
4) that he still gets time with just me. when the baby sleeps, i need to make time for him. he is more pleasant and agreeable if he gets the attention first. we sit with his cup of milk and watch a “show” pretty much every morning. i don’t look at my phone or start working until that’s done so he knows we have our time before anything.
5) keep it light and pick your battles. often we as parents take turns being more frustrated. i will need to say, “don’t watch him. he is going to blow bubbles in his chocolate milk. he’s two. we can’t yell at him for that, as aggravating, and messy as it is.”
sometimes i forget that he’s not actually an independent 5 year old. he’s a 2 year old, who without me, would not…. [no, he’d probably get quite a lot done without me…..] but emotionally and developmentally, he needs me.
and he reminds me of that often.
